Some highly evolved people say there are only two feeling: Love & Fear. And if we are not experiencing love we are –on some level– in fear/ anxiety/ worry. You may feel sometimes that you are alone with your fears while others are doing so well, are strong and confident. We tend to compare ourselves.
As I see it fear is a build in human condition and the majority has it. And each of us has a different level of intensity and different triggers. There are some rare wise beings who don’t experience fear anymore because they have gone beyond it. It is possible.
Fear has many Faces
Jealousy is based on fear:
Fear of rejection and loosing the partner. Fear of not being good enough.
Envy is based on fear:
Fear that we will never be as good as this or that person. Fear to miss out on the good things.
Shyness is based on fear:
Fear of what people think and feel about us. Fear of being judged and rejected.
Stress is based on fear:
Fear of not getting something done on time. Fear that something will not work out for us. Fear to be unsuccessful and to loose.
Resistance/ Stubbornness if based on fear:
Fear of change. Fear of an unpredictable future.
Arrogance is based on Fear:
Fear of being vulnerable.
Anger is based on Fear:
Anger is loud and impressive and most people do not associate it immediately with fear. To see the fear behind anger is a bit more difficult. Anger usually covers up emotions like sadness, vulnerability and hurt.
Addiction is based on Fear:
Fear of who we are and what we feel when we are sober.
And so on…..
Look out into the world around you. Tune into the people you meet. It does not matter whether they are people you know or complete strangers. Open your senses when you see and meet people. Listen and feel them. Can you detect fear behind what they say and do? Even if it is just a minor fear?
I am hoping this awareness exercise will make you feel that you are not less than others. Nothing is wrong with you.
You are anxious? So are we!
It just manifests in each of us in a different way.
Once we recognise there is nothing wrong with us we can relax and meet fearful reoccurring thoughts with self inquiry and kindness.
Some Psychology tells us not to listen to our anxious/ critical voices, but to combat with positive affirmations, to shut the thoughts down, stop or even fight them.
I propose the opposite because I believe the more we are trying to get rid of something the more it persists.
Lets sit down with Anxiety and listen. Really listen. Just as you would listen to your best friend or to an anxious child. There is a way of listening to our anxious voices without being controlled/ manipulated by them, without believing them.
Sit quietly for 10 min with your journal at hand.
Close your eyes and sit and breath. Imagine you are allowing your anxiety to speak.
Imagine you are listening with kindness, interest and understanding.
Allow your anxiety to share anything including irrational, immature, unreasonable thoughts.
What does it say?
What is it most afraid of?
What is the worst that could happen in its opinion?
Write it down as a list –
Start with something like this:
My anxiety says, I am not going to be able to….
My anxiety says, he will not like me if I ….
My anxiety says, I will never ….
If you can write fast and don’t think or judge what comes up.
When you have done your list, put your most anxious and scary statements at the top. Which ones have the most power/ energy?
Once you have written your list, breath and thank your anxiety for sharing. Say something like:
Thank you for sharing, i hear you. I understand.
I hear you and we are going to look at this together.